March 23, 2008

Hello and Welcome to my blog! This quarter I would like to look at Parenting skills and specifically expectations.

When identifying your expectations and conveying these to your child, it is essential for all primary caregivers to be consistent and united in their expectations. These expectations should be very clear and concrete. They also need to be realistic. It is very appropriate to expect a two year old to help clean up their toys at the end of the day, but to expect a 5 year old to walk the family dog every afternoon when the dog is a 100 lb untrained German Shepherd is not realistic.  A great way to determine whether or not a child is able to developmentally meet your expectations would be to ask yourself some of the following questions. Have you clearly explained and discussed with your child the behavior that is expected? Can they describe or report back to you what their interpretation is of what is expected? Is your child developmentally able to live up to your expectations?

Once you have determined what it is you would like to convey to your children it is important to figure out how you are going to share this information best with your child? Does your child tend to better when things are in writing? Do they respond best when information is verbally shared with them at a set time (maybe in a family meeting or over Friday night dinners)? Are you clearly modeling the expected behavior so that your child knows what is being asked of them? This is helpful for younger children because they love to imitate and thrive on structure. Short but specific examples work best.

Parenting and learning new skills are an ongoing process. Children need constant repetition and quick refresher lessons. Once you have established what is expected and you have clearly conveyed these expectations with your child it is essential to have ongoing communication. Specific non threatening times to openly discuss any concerns or confusion will play a great role in improving children’s behavior. Punishing a child for not meeting expectations that are unclear, inconsistent or unrealistic can result in feelings of confusion, anger, spite and low self worth.

Let’s face it; parents are not experts on raising children simply due to the fact that they are parents. It is a process with many wonderful opportunities for growth and confidence on both the part of the parent and child. Open communication, respect and a desire to live up to each other’s expectations are essential for building solid and strong healthy relationships. All relationships require hard work but it is the fruit of this labor that is most precious to all.

Parenting is at times a complex and confusing role. It is so easy to second guess your skills and feel ineffective at times. Effective parenting consists of several positive attributes. It is essential for parents to create and convey very clear expectations, to have consistency in following through with positive and negative consequences, to model the behaviors you want your children to have and then to notice and congratulate them when they display these behaviors, and lastly one of the most challenging and difficult skills is to remain calm in the middle of chaos (tantrums, arguments and meltdowns are just a few). Just to make things a bit more confusing, children do not come with handbooks nor does every child respond well to the same parenting techniques.

Hope you have enjoyed my blog and found it helpful. Healthy parenting can be an exhausting and confusing role along with being one of the most precious gifts one can experience. I believe it is our responsibility to support and learn from each other and not to judge or criticize those who are committed to creating and nurturing the future generations of this world.

Thank you for sharing this time with me. If you would like to contact me please feel free to either email me or contact me by phone.